Daylight savings time. Schedules are off. For all of us. Too dark to want to be out of bed. (remember how far North we are) But we manage to attempt it. Geronimo (parrot) on my finger, briskly walking toward the bathroom for his morning constitutional. Yes, you heard me. His morning constitutional. He’s potty-trained for mornings. Saves a lot on sofa cleaning, dry cleaning, and paper towels. Can we move on now?
Geronimo on my finger, briskly walking toward the bathroom. Chloe bouncing around at my feet, wag, wag, wag, see me, see me, see me, getting in the way. Timing is everything. Seconds mean the difference between a splat and a flush. Chloe wins. I lose. Splat!
Alan: “Chloe — get away from that!”
Chloe: “Wag, wag, wag, whine, whine, whine, see me, see me, see me — oh wait, BREAKFAST!”
I adroitly grab a handful paper towels, bend and swipe the floor in a graceful, well-practiced maneuver to keep fowl and animal on their digestive norms. “Chloe, you don’t want this. I promise, it’s not the treat you think it is…” Chloe gets nothing, but continues begging as if her life depends on it.
Chloe: Beg, beg, beg. Wiggle, wag, wiggle, wag, DOG FART! Sheer terror. Quick circle to figure what it was and where it came from. No success. Whimper and run.
Geronimo: “Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.”
No lie. This is my life.