Troll Watch

You’ve seen them. You know you have. On the periphery. You look more closely and they’re gone. But you know you saw them. You felt them. Trolls. It happened to me just the other day. I looked up as I was walking past a window, and there, in the reflection, I caught him. Yes, him. It was  momentary, but he was there. I stopped — stood stock still. I waited. Nothing. Then I cautiously backed up a step. THERE! Yes! Right there! A troll — looking right at me. Oh. My. God. (yes, sometimes, periods and deity just work together…) A troll.

I never thought I’d really see one that close. I mean, in my younger days, I could freeze one at 30 paces. Don’t even try it. Don’t even think about it. Dead in its tracks. Merciless. Cut throat. Dead. My friends and I, we use to laugh about it, scream about it, blockade against it. We were invincible. But today? It broke through. Damn near bowled me over. Damn troll.

Now, don’t confuse my use of the word “troll” in the gay lexicon as a noun, with my use of the word “trolling” in the gay lexicon as a verb. Go ahead, do a little research. You know you want to. I’m going to make you work for it. But let’s get back to the noun, and the story. The troll. Alive and well. In my face. Actually, ON my face. This damn mustache is turning me into my greatest fear: an aging gay man, stuck in the seventies, surrounded by a work force young enough to be his children and a soft porn sound track playing constantly in the background, the word “creepy” on the tip of everyone’s tongue, but never quite being vocalized for fear of retribution, or worse, physical interaction with the troll. Me. All in the name of Movember. May the end of the month come quickly. And may I give thanks tomorrow that it is near.

Happy Thanksgiving. Bow-chicka-bow-bow. (Insert your own theme music. Play at will.)

And it’s not too late to pay a little attention to this troll. Pay him a little money. Donate to the cause. All in the name of men’s health. Make a troll happy. Without doing anything icky. Show your support at


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