So… How ’bout them.. er… um… Badgerines?

I can typically hold my own in most sports situations. I know enough of the professional football, baseball and basketball teams and players to be dangerous, if not hold my own. Hockey? Not so much. And at the college level? Forget about it. I mean, I assume that the Pack 10 is just someone with really great abs. You see where this is going…

So, the other day I’m in a business meeting with a group of men who live and breathe college football like I know my way around a kitchen. I mean, these guys were listing names and stats and point spreads like I run through a shopping list for wine and cheese. And when they started throwing in the college rivalries, coaching decisions, and draft missteps? I knew I was dead in the water.  Um… sparkling water, anyone?

Watching these guys throw barbs back and forth was like sitting court-side at the US Open. One ace after another. Starved to earn some participation points, I started wracking my brain for any minuscule details that I might add to the conversation. Um… BYU won the national  championship in 1981 under Lamar Edwards? Crap, was it LaVell Edwards? They had a perfect record that year… I think… Was it 11-1? 11-0? Does it matter that it was 30 years ago? OMG, was it really 30 years ago I was a freshman in college? Where has the time gone? Wait! Focus, Alan, focus… You may have to participate! And so it went.

At one point, observing a particular passionate moment about a re-alignment of the college conferences to better accommodate talent and redistribute competition, I thought about blurting out, “So, how about that new musical by Susan Stroman? I hear it’s getting rave reviews on Broadway.” Can you imagine? I knew it would get a laugh, but I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to play the gay card that blatantly, even for humor. So, don’t worry. I didn’t. But couldn’t that have been fodder for an even better blog post? Maybe next time. Right now I have to go memorize the weekend sports pages. Those Badgers, Gophers and Wolverines got nothin’ on me.


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