Okay, when I saw that word (really? it’s a word?) flash across the Today Show on TV this morning I about dropped my coffee. Even Ger0nimo reacted with a disgusted squawk. Snowmaggedon? At first it didn’t register — some guy in Central Park wearing what looked like his kid’s snow suit, talking about how fast it was coming down. I looked out the window. Windy? Yes. Snowing? Yes. Deadly storm? No. So, I looked back at the chiron on the screen and tried to sound the word out like a first-grader… sno-u-mag-geh-don… Was it some sort of prehistoric mastadon grave yard discovered under Sheep’s Meadow? Was it a new event at the Vancouver Winter Olympics? No. It was a biblical attempt by a news producer to turn a snowstorm into an apocolyptic sign of the times! Religious drama makes good headlines! The last days! Who are they kidding? Trust me, you don’t mess with the Mormon boys when it comes to last days-ing anything! (Sorry, but if they can use snowmaggedon, I can use a hyphen to make a point.) It was only upon a quick Google search that I discovered that Pres. Obama had actually coined the phrase during D.C.’s big storm earlier in the month. Well, I guess if we chided G-Dub all those years for his malapropisms, Obama had one coming, as well. He is the current “decider,” after all.
But back to the Today Show. I watched bemused, as anchors in colorful, carefully accesorized winter attire gave serious demonstrations on how to “survive” this event. The snow shovel (now there’s a novel invention) — “use it carefully and find one that fits your hands and how you like to do the work.” Like any of us like to do the work. Right. Oh, and “shovel in small areas, preferably 6 x 6 sections so that the job is manageable.” What? It’s a driveway for gods’ sake. Just shovel it. Or make your kids do it! They need to learn to work anyway, right Dad, Dave, Paul, Bruce, Cynthia, Mike and Russ? “The snow blower — like your lawn mower but for snow without the grass catcher.” What? Really? Who are we talking to? Aliens? And the segment went on and on and on, only to be wrapped up by Meredith Viera (who was in Vancouver, FYI, nowhere near the horrifying weather system) with a solemn thank you for such great tips on “weathering” (chuckle, chuckle, Meredith) the storm.
I shook my head, took Geronimo off my shoulder, gave the “in your house, puppies” order to the dogs (kennel time), put Chris in a cab (torn miniscus, lab work today, surgery next Wednesday) — yes, I braved the wild arctic storm to hail a cab — and headed into the office. The fact that everyone was still inside glued to Matt and Meredith on the boob tube actually made my commute more enjoyable. The line at Starbucks? None. The office? Empty. Ah, New York City. The city that never sleeps… because it’s too busy dreaming up things to keep it awake all night. Snowmaggedon being one of them. Time to get to work.