Stupid, Embarassing, Redundant Modes of Transportation

Necessity is the mother of invention, true, but there are certain variations on a theme that should just never be explored. Not that the result is not exhilarating or genius, just that there are certain individuals who should never be given access to the result. Okay, okay, I’m getting to the point. Adult males should avoid the following at all costs: The recumbent bicyle, the Segway, and the scooter. Just walk away. Please, for the sake of the rest of the male population, just walk away.

Recumbent Bicycle

There is nothing smart or sexy about a recumbent cycle. Let’s just appreciate it from afar for an interesting take on a bike. But let’s not ride it. Ever.

A Segway is like a poor man’s unicycle (an invention relegated to circus use by men in top hats, tails, tights, or any combination of the three). And the Segway has starred in two mall cop movies. Need I say more? And why the flocking instinct? Segway tours? It’s like watching geese fly South or quail families cross the road, but with humans. Makes a grown man proud.

segway tours 04

Dude (yes, I said “dude,” because it applies here), just LET. IT. GO. Even the word scooter screams adolescence. I don’t care what big city you live in, and how convenient you think it is. You look stupid. Have a friend video you commuting to work on your “awesome scooter” and force yourself to watch it. Don’t be proud. Be embarrassed. You look stupid. Just stop it.

skootyfox

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